some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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