She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
