I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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