I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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