The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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