just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
