guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
