i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
