There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
