If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
