Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
