Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
