So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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