U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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