hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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