mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
