so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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