Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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