A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
