what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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