What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
