We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
