billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You may now shotgun with the bride
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
