why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
