i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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