Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
