ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
