I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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