Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
