I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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