Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So squirting runs in the family.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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