i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
