im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
