I wish my penis had an off switch
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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