i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
