if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
