He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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