i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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