Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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