hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
