We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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