I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
