after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
