the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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