it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
