we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
