Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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