I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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