so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do herpes really smell.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
