thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
