Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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