About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your penis caused this!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
