I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
this is an emotional support booty call
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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