I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
