My brain says no but my pants say off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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