I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
