My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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