And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
