My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
