I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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