I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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