I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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