so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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