pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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