just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
