I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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