I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
