I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
