i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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