Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
