...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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