Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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