in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
