I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
