What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
