did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize