its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
