guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
