I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
