Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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